Monday, September 18, 2006

Mouths agape

A "Eureka!" moment occurred in our house this weekend. Now, perhaps someone has figured this out before (a la Newton and Leibniz developing calculus simultaneously), but I report to you that we have determined an all-purpose response to rude inquiries or comments regarding IVF (or IUIs, for that matter). When faced with such an inquiry or commentary, simply respond, "Well, of course we did IVF. How else could we remain virgins?" Then prance merrily away from their gaping jaws.

Speaking of virginity, I have been tagged for the first time, courtesy of Nilla at Vanilla Dreams. I am supposed to respond quickly to these four words.

1. Coffee. I stopped drinking coffee, for the most part, nearly two years ago. Since then, I have become a green-tea evangelist, but I've had to quit even that since its cancer-preventing properties also apparently prevent folate absorption by buns in ovens. I've developed something of an aversion to coffee since I quit it, with one situational exception: vacation. When I'm on vacation, I guzzle coffee. I want it. I need it. It feels outrageous and decadent. Energy courses through my veins and possibilities present themselves to me, sort of like when you have that first glass of wine. Mmmm, wine.

2. Rain. Since we've been homeowners, I have grown a bit afraid of rain. Rain leaks through the roof. Rain falls on the lawn and causes it to grow, which causes it to need mowing, which in turn usually results in conversations like this. MM: "Are you going to mow the lawn?" MM's Husband: "I'm so tired!" MM: "Well, when are you going to mow it?" MMH: "Stop nagging me." MM: "Do I have to do everything around here?" (Note: I have never actually mowed the lawn, and I mean that literally, you perverts.)

3. Star. Oh, shame. I have to admit that when I see this word, the first thing that comes to mind is Star Jones Reynolds, a powerful candidate for the honor of Most Ridiculous Person in the World (Possibly the Universe). More ridiculous than Britney Spears, K. Fed., and perhaps even Katherine Harris. More ridiculous than all of the Hiltons put together. More ridiculous than Scientology and Joe Simpson and Heckuva Job Brownie.

4. Hula-hoop. Um, yet another thing I'm not good at?

I now tag the following four people:

1. Emmie at Fertility Lost.
2. TLB at Illiterati.
3. Midwestern Deadbeat at Midwestern Deadbeat.
4. Jane at Jane's Calamity.

Your words are:

1. Deodorant.
2. Throwback.
3. Period.
4. Blossom.


My Reality said...

Your virginity comment will be perfect! I can't wait to hear the response you get when you use it!

TLB said...


I wish I knew on whom you used the virginity bit.

bihari said...

Oh, that is GOOD! SO good!

And I'm with TLB--upon whom did you spring it?

We speak, of course, of virginity.

Kit Fur Cat said...

Thank you for your virginity suggestion. As no one will believe either of us are virginity we thought we'd try:

Look, just because I want his babies doesn't mean I want to have sex with him.

Good luck on week 5.