Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Assumptions

First, thanks for all of your replies on the posts below. You are all rational. Still, I am nearly 100% sure this cycle didn't work, although I would elatedly eat crow if I were wrong.

Anyway, one question that often comes up in my consultations with one doctor after another is whether any of my direct female relatives had endometriosis as well. And the answer, I now realize, is maybe.

Some background: my grandmother gave birth to my mother when she was 35, and then she gave birth to my aunt, who has Down syndrome, when she was 40. All my life, I had just assumed that she and my grandfather (who died when my mother was young) had gotten married late. But then my mother mentioned in passing a couple of years ago that my grandmother had been told by a doctor shortly before her marriage (which turned out to be when she was in her early 20s) that she would never have children. Why? I asked. My mother wasn't sure, but she thought maybe it was "fibroids or something." But maybe she had large endometriomas or similar? I don't know. Anyway, my grandfather went off to the war and then came back from the war, and my grandmother started feeling ill, and the next thing she knew an innocent rabbit had lost its life to confirm that she was pregnant.

Now, my parents got married right after college. My mother had me at 25 and my brother at 27. I'd always just assumed that they waited to get pregnant, since my father was in graduate school and my mother eventually was as well. Alas, I found out a couple of years ago that they had been trying that whole time to get pregnant, and it hadn't worked. Yeah, so having a hard time getting pregnant when you're 21 (and 22, 23, and 24) - not all that common. Endometriosis? Maybe.

My point is that I guess I wish I had found this all out sooner. But I grew up in a very WASPy family, and personal reproductive histories are not often discussed (unless someone has overshared after a few too many gin-and-tonics at Thanksgiving). I just laid my own assumptions on top of the few details I knew, and never thought to ask more. And you know about assuming - it makes an ASS out of U and ME. Ha!

I don't know if any of this information would have changed my own attempts at getting pregnant. After all, I got married when I was 31 and 1/2, and we started TTC not too long after that. We married three years after we'd met, and I believe that was the right amount of time.

But, still, it would be nice to be a few years younger. I feel as if my back is against the wall, reproductively speaking, and this is my only chance to have a biological child. It isn't a great feeling.

8 comments:

TLB said...

Honey, I'm a year ahead of you against that wall. You have time and ability. Your mother and grandmother prove it.

I dreamed last night that your cycle worked and you sent out ecstatic messages confirming rising betas. I hope this proves I am psychic, which I've suspected all along.

Jane said...

It would definitely have been nice to know all that, but it's also reassuring, in a way. It worked for them, with time, and chances are it will work for you.

Of course, God knows it's hard to feel that way when you face month after month of disappointment, and people are getting knocked up all around you.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. Never say never! I had no discernible symptoms before I found out I was pregnant, except for sore boobs, which were most likely a result of the progesterone supplements I was taking.

Hope548 said...

My mother also went through some problems getting pregnant. Lost an ovary before having any kids and thought she'd never have any. Then they had my brother. It took four years to conceive me, who she had at age 33. She never knew the reason for that, but there was something going on. I think my mother did have endometriosis, but I don't...

I hope you're wrong about this cycle. The latests successes in blogland were also sure their cycles had failed. You just never know. I know you're trying to be realistic, but I'll be hopeful for you!

bihari said...

Would have been nice to know all that, for sure...but it's also good to know, as people have said above, that your female relatives CAN conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. Even at/after 35. And they can do it more than once. So THAT is good news.

That said, feeling like time is running out is just a crappy feeling and I am sorry you're having to play hostess to it. Drinks with it, OK, maybe, but dinner and then staying the night, and then staying month after month...that gets old. Time is so rude.

My Reality said...

The back against the wall is so true. Do you think knowing that there may have been a history of endo in your family would have changed things? I don't know that it would have because your focus wasn't on trying to conceive. I know, that doesn't help. The only good thing we have going for us that our parents/grandparents didn't have is the huges advances in ART.

I do hope you are wrong about this cycle and I will be first in line to watch you eat crow.

VanillaDreams said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
VanillaDreams said...

Argh, I hate that you can't edit comments! Reposting the corrected typo version below:

Yeah, that probably would have been good information for you to have had a lot earlier!

But, as you said, you got married at 31 and pretty much TTC right away, so even if you had known, it probably wouldn't have changed the results.

For me, my conception problems stem from the way the Ovarian cancer f*cked with my body....I really don't think I would have had any problems conceiving without the Ovarian cancer, as prior to it I ovulated regularly each and every month. However, I DO happen to know that my mom had trouble conceiving me.

My dad was previously married and had 3 kids from that marriage. When my parents married, my mom was about 25 or 26...pretty late for the 1960's!! Well, after getting married, she went off birth control....but didn't conceive (to her knowledge) until I came along as a "surprise" when she was 35!!! And, on top of it all, my mom NEVER went to the doctor to see why she couldn't conceive. In recent years I asked her about this, and she said it just never occurred to her to look into it! Yeah....I don't understand that myself, but that's my mom for you...

Anyway, she had a totally uneventful pregnancy with me, and after having me, they decided that they probably wouldn't try for another one, seeing as how I came along so late..... Plus, my dad is so much older than my mom (18 years) that he felt "too old" for more newborns, I guess...

Sorry this is so long....My point is that I don't think I inherited any trying to conceive issues from my mom....But it's interesting to me that they practiced no birth control for about 9 years before I showed up, so it makes me wonder what kind of problems she might have had.... I wonder if she didn't have Endo as well.... Because she has told me she always had such heavy, extremely painful periods... Hmm...

Anyway, I hope you are wrong about this cycle, despite your feelings about it! (I know you would love to be wrong!! ;))

When is your beta?

Take care,
Nilla

Emmie said...

Your story learning about your mom and grandmother is a familliar one to me. My mom married at 22 and didn't have me, her first, until 29. I thought she was waiting, but she had a cyst the size of a grapefruit that had been holding things up. My grandmother was married at 19 and didn't have my mom and her twin brother until she was 32. My mom recently asked her why the wait. She always had said she was just not ready, but the truth was that she also had problems. This is definitely info I will pass to my daughter if I have one.