Missing: underpants, shoes, camera charger, toiletries, the bibs, and the thing we kept the bibs in.

Unpacking continues.   Some things are missing and unaccounted for, including a material portion of my underwear collection.  And I can't find my camera charger anywhere.  

Fr.anz continues to be alive for the moment (heartbeat in the 140s).   I have an OB appointment next week -- not sure if I'll have an ultrasound then or not.  Allow me to share with you the conversation that got me this appointment.

Receptionist: Dr. C. is taking new patients, but she's scheduling into October.

Me: Well, I'm pregnant.

Receptionist: She is still scheduling into October.

Me: I have a blood clot!

Receptionist: Could you come in tomorrow at 3:45?

Now, I had to take a later appointment because I needed to wait for my new insurance to kick in, but I was impressed with the magic a blood clot can work.

Our dog -- poor fellow -- is having a very difficult time making the transition to city life.  He almost bit someone on the street yesterday.  He's never bitten anyone before.  And there's been lots of growling and barking, too.   Bring in the Dog Whi.sperer!

Off the road (briefly)

Well, friends, the past few weeks have been hectic.  On our trip to California, we got stuck overnight in Denver and majorly delayed the next day because of mechanical issues.  Once we arrived, the rental-car people tried to cheat me (and failed -- ha!) and all of our luggage was MIA for an hour, then miraculously appeared.  We drove up to Sonoma at peak rush-hour traffic, only to find upon arriving that the bag containing my stuff and So.ren's stuff was back at our house.  My husband drove the whole way back to get it that night.  Things have gone more smoothly since.

There's been lots of unpacking, and I flew back to the Midwest and drove the dog back to SF, arriving yesterday.  We leave again tomorrow for a wedding in Colorado.  As of Sunday, though, we'll be here for real and can settle in.

I have no idea how F.ranz is doing.  I've been too afraid to try the Doppler.  I know, weird.  My boobs still hurt and I feel very nauseated late in the day, so I'm hoping that's good.  I did have some noticeable cramping yesterday, however.  I'm trying to get a doctor's appointment for next week or the week after so I can get an ultrasound.  I joined an SCH group online, which helps, even though not all of the stories end happily.

So, in short: new house is great; dog is confused; So.ren is great.  Sears.com sucks -- don't order anything from them.  Just trust me on that.

Update: I finally broke out the Doppler.  Fra.nz appears to be in there for the time being -- heartrate in the low 150s.  That's lower than what he had a couple of weeks ago but still seems normally.

More of the same

The ultrasound showed F.ranz with a strong heartbeat of 167. His growth is right on target or slightly ahead. He looks like a "real" baby now. His amniotic fluid looks good, and he has plenty of room.

But the clot is larger: 1.25cm x 3cm x 4cm. The doctor (my favorite MFM doctor there -- I wish I'd had him done the CVS, if I had had it done at all) said it was a "medium"-sized clot. He said there was really nothing to do except keep our fingers crossed, and I'm not supposed to jump around or otherwise jostle myself excessively. I should get a repeat scan in six weeks, which I interpreted as one month, since that's as long as I can wait, I think. We'll see if I can get in somewhere in SF. The doctor said that the clot could have stabilized or still be growing. There are clots that are smallish but have torn away a big part of the placenta, and there are clots that are very big but resulted from just a small tear. We just have to watch the clot and watch the baby's growth.

There's really no way for me to describe how attached I feel to Fran.z and how scared and guilty and terrible I feel all at the same time. We're in our empty house right now, cleaning up. We fly out to SF tonight.

Miscellany

The full CVS results are back, and Fran.z, should he remain installed until an appropriate debut time, is chromosomally normal. Just two more days until my next ultrasound. I continue to have pregnancy symptoms, so I am taking heart, though I also have occasional old-looking blood and some mild cramping I wish would go away. I keep telling myself it's bowel cramping related to the fact that I now drink Milk of Mag.nesia every night because of the heartburn situation. MoM works wonders on the old esophagus! Chewable antacids are allegedly the same thing as MoM without the laxative properties, but based on extensive personal experience (such as the 10,000 Tu.ms I've ingested) I think that's a load of hooey.

The movers were supposed to come today to pack up, but they got stuck in Wisconsin. So they claim they're going to do it all -- pack and load -- tomorrow. I'm not sure that's physically possible.

I've discovered the wonders of Fre.ecycle. People will take anything! And they'll come pick it up from your house! Really!

In other news, I joined Fac.ebook and bought a M.acBook P.ro. Soon, I will be able to converse with the young people.

For those keeping score at home...

...I'm still bleeding occasionally, but I think it looks like older blood, and it's fairly diluted by CM (thank you, I'll be TMIing here all week). Maybe this is wishful thinking, but it's what I've got. I keep reminding myself that the doctor emphasized that the blood in the clot has to come out somehow, and that all evidence suggests that this is blood that is disintegrating. Still hard to see blood of any type while pregnant.

I found some stories online where people had SCHs that were, like, 12cm long. So I'm grateful mine ain't like that.

Off to throw ourselves a going-away party. (Don't worry -- we bought cheese trays and the like from the local grocery store, and I am not expending any effort whatsoever.)

Some good news

They were able to get FISH results (and, presumably, will get the full CVS results) on Fra.nz. No trisomy 13, 18, or 21, and Fr.anz is indeed a boy, as I suspected. (Okay, and my suspicions were mostly informed by my knowledge that more boys are born from singleton blast transfers -- 64% boys vs. 36% girls.) If Fr.anz makes it, we'll never be paying for a wedding! (I will, out of convenience, hew firmly to tradition on this one. )

News but no real prognosis

I had my ultrasound this morning. The good news: the baby had a heartbeat of 162. The bad news: the clot was larger. The MFM doctor said she would have expected this -- since I'd rushed right back to the hospital when I was bleeding, I probably wasn't done bleeding, so it was not surprising that the clot had grown. The hope is that it is done growing and will start to break up.

She felt that there were two pieces of positive news -- the heartbeat, which indicates that enough placenta is still attached well that the baby is getting what it needs, and the fact that I am not bleeding out my hoo-ha much at present. She thought that if the clot was still actively bleeding, the chances were that I would still be bleeding out bright red blood.

I asked about the baby aspirin, and here's the explanation she gave me. Baby aspirin is used in infertility treatments because there's a theory that aspirin prevents little clots from forming in the uterine lining. But when you have a big clot, you want it to go ahead and clot up so that the bleeding stops. She said there were other ways of looking at this, which is why some people end up being told to remain on it. But that answer satisfied me. She did say that the change that the aspirin causes in the platelets is permanent and that platelets live for 7-10 days, so the effects from stopping the baby aspirin wouldn't happen for a week or so.

Even if this resolves, she said I would still be at risk for PROM and placental abruption, as well as possibly IUGR, so I will need to get monthly ultrasounds. She also still called the clot "small," though it looked pretty big relative to the sac to me. But I hope by Thursday next week (when I go in again) it looks smaller.

Oh, Dr. Google, can't you get your story straight?

I put myself on bedrest yesterday, which of course left my schedule wide open for consulting with Dr. Google about subchorionic hematomas and other matters. Here are some of the searches I performed: (1) subchorionic hematoma and CVS; (2) subchorionic hematoma small; (3) subchorionic hematoma and bedrest; and (4) subchorionic hematoma and aspirin. I also posted questions on the message boards I frequent. And then I emailed a close friend who knew I was pregnant and who is a connoisseur of bleeding during pregnancy, and she hooked me up with a friend of hers who'd had a major SCH but had a good outcome in the end.

Dr. Google knew nothing about search (1) -- apparently, this is a freak accident. Regarding (2), Dr. Google had some very contradictory information, but the evidence overall suggests that a small SCH is better than a big one, though the key detail may not be its nominal size but rather how big it is relative to the gestational sac, which, in my case, I don't know. Apparently, my age is working against me here -- women over 35 with SCHs are more likely to miscarry (though let me remind you again that I still have no gray hair, suggesting that I am an incredibly youthful 36 -- why, if you look at me before you put in your contacts, those crows' feet and smile caverns are barely discernible). But women whose SCHs appear after 9 weeks have a better shot at avoiding miscarriage. And let's just say here's another reason not to smoke.

Regarding (3), it seems that most people do get put on bedrest, though there is conflicting data on whether it matters with SCHs. My clinic didn't even put me on bedrest after they'd somewhat frantically rushed me in yesterday, but I called an audible and put myself on bedrest until the next scan. I performed query (4) because they told me to stop the baby aspirin I was on for my FET, and I got myself all confused because I thought aspirin was supposed to help avoid or possibly solve blood clots, but then I could also see how thinned blood would mean extra bleeding, which could expand the hematoma. Dr. Google was all over the map on this one, but when I posted the question on a high-risk pregnancy board, all the people who'd had SCHs who replied said they'd been taken off it, too, even if they remained on He.parin or similar. So while I still don't get why this is the case, I will accept it.

As you might imagine, lots of blog posts and message board posts came up in my searches. And, MAN, some people have HUGE SCHs and bleed out massive clots. Like, one woman said she had a clot as long as her forearm and twice as wide. I'm not particularly squeamish, but let me tell you that that would freak me the fuck out, and I would have to seriously consider fainting.

My wonderful babysitter stayed until So.ren had to go to sleep last night, and she came early this morning to wake him up and will remain here until he goes to sleep. My husband comes back in the morning, and then we'll get the scan.

My bleeding has slowed, though of course I have been mostly prone. I did recently get up and do some moving around (and -- TMI -- I had to take my second Zo.fran poop since yesterday, and those require awful straining), and I got a bit of semi-fresh-looking blood. The MFM doctor had told me I had to get rid of the blood in the clot somehow, so it would probably be coming out, but I just want it to be decidedly old-looking, you know? Like, brown and world-wearied.

But I'm trying to be positive. I definitely still have all of my pregnancy symptoms, such as feeling like crap in the afternoon/evening and getting major heartburn, despite my being on Pr.evacid. I hope we get good news tomorrow, and then we can figure out what to do about our extensive moving/travel plans. We'll do what we need to do, so long as Fr.anz (fetal name) stays in there.

Thanks for all of your kind comments, too, and if you made it to the end of this post, wow!

I am a terrible person

So my bleeding got heavier, and I went back to the clinic. Let's start with the good news: the baby still has a heartbeat, and the clot that they found behind the placenta is small.

The bad news: if the clot expands, it could cause a miscarriage. This was definitely caused by the CVS.

I hadn't wanted to wait for an amnio (or -- god forbid -- skip such tests altogether) to see if we had any chromosomal issues, so this is 100% my fault. I don't usually pray, but I am praying a LOT right now in the hopes that this clot resolves on its own in the next couple of days.

I go back on Thursday for another scan.

My cervix: the bane of doctors everywhere

Wow, amnio is a lot easier than CVS. They had to try the transvaginal route because of the location of the placenta, and, as you may recall, my cervix is extremely challenging. I'd kind of thought/hoped that since I am now 10w2d, my uterus might have come up a bit and straightened things out. Alas: mangling still occurred. Two passes were needed. And she only got the edge of the placenta, meaning the gobs of blood in the syringe were mostly from my uterus. Thus, the CVS may not even work.

And now I'm having some bleeding. I think this is probably because my uterine lining was messed with, but it is still worrisome. If it keeps up, I will call. I ordered a home doppler and just tried it out this morning, and I couldn't find the heartbeat. Now, I'd just seen the heartbeat a half hour before, but this still worries me, too, of course.

For now, I'm going to lie down and relax and hope that everything is okay.