Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Or, Because I Said So.

Our weekend at the lakehouse was refreshing. No one asked about my fertility situation, and I was able to relax (mostly) and enjoy our friends' children without feeling as if everyone was looking at me and thinking, How sad that she can't have her own or maybe Thank god she can't have her own. They might have been thinking these things, but at least the I word (infertility, yo) wasn't percolating in the air the way it tends to if you've just been having teary conversations about your cervix. Denial = Fun! (I did notice that one of my non-mom friends wasn't drinking, though - I don't think she was pregnant, but she may have been 2ww-ing; I banished these ruminations fairly successfully.)

ANYWAY. I called my clinic yesterday to reschedule my "pre-op" appointment on the 25th because I realized that, um, I have a big meeting that day that I scheduled and cannot change. I often schedule things as though I exist in two parallel worlds simultaneously. While I was on the phone with the nurse, I decided to throw in an extra question, just for fun: Why am I not supposed to take Me*drol and tetra*cycline for my FET? It was my understanding that I have taken these in the past because my embryos have been ICSIed and thus my already-hostile uterus might mistake them for a marauding army or, alternatively, a cheeseburger. In either case, it would do away with them.

So the nurse said, "Oh, you don't do those for FETs." Why? I asked. The embryos are still ICSIed. Does the freezing render them benign? She shifted tactics. "I don't think we do those for blastocyst transfers." I referred her to my chart for IVF#1, when I did a blastocyst transfer and took those drugs. She said she'd ask the doctor and call me back.

She called back later and said something that I can only recall as sounding a lot like, "The doctors said you don't take those drugs on an FET because you don't take those drugs on an FET." She could tell I wasn't satisfied (maybe she could sense in my pregnant - ha! - pauses that I had looked things up on the Internets and knew that this "rule" didn't hold across the board), and she wanted me to be satisfied. She said she would ask again, but I've heard nothing.

I want to be liked by doctors and nurses. I want to be their favorite patient. I want them to sit in their team meetings, behold my chart with delight, and say in unison, "That Motel Manager - she's so smart, slender, and hygienic!" But I know I am annoying them at this point. And it makes me feel as if I must gird myself for battle each time I go in, and I don't want this to get adversarial (like my relationship with certain telecom providers). In reality, they probably look at my chart and say in unison, "That Motel Manager - boy, does she bug the shit out of me!"

But I was further annoyed today when I discovered that the hospital had not sent my records to the high-success-rates clinic in Colorado, with which I have a phone consultation tomorrow for 250 of my hard-earned dollars. Calls were lobbied. Pressure was applied. The hospital records office promises to fax my chart to the clinic by the end of business today. I really hope they do, because I really want to hear some answers from somebody at some point. Is that too much to ask?


bihari said...

It is NOT too much to ask! Sadly, the medical system is so Byzantine that whenever anyone presents with anything remotely out of the ordinary (like, say, you, with your mystery uterus),the collective medical response is to pretend it (the condition, the patient) isn't there. In the face of this collective denial, only patients like you who lobby, advocate, query, harrass, initiate, persist, declaim, inquire, and pursue get good results. And I say this with a perfect understanding of where the medical team is coming from, since I bat for both teams, as it were.

I also promise you that no matter what, the medical folks will always be glad to see you because you are, indeed, slender, smart, articulate, and replete with hygeine. A rare commodity, you! (My midwife reported to me once that one of the residents watched me walk out of a prenatal appointment and said bitterly, "You guys get all the skinny vegetarians.")

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am glad that you had a good weekend!

I hope that they sent your records today so that you can get some of the answers that you are looking for.

NikkiNix said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
NikkiNix said...

OOOhhhhhh (fists pumping) we spend TOO MUCH MONEY and too much of an EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT for those records not to be there for such a critical conference call - oh grr!

You go ahead and cause some stink girl, and tell them you want YOUR stats to prove THEIR clinic top notch, you know, throw some reverse KILL them with honey nonsense they wait but you make sur my dear blog-friend that you get what you deserve... and that is nothing less than 100%... now give me some good news now will ya ;)

Emmie said...

Ugh--I so hate the "because I said so" answer. I about flipped when I heard that the first time regarding some of my screening questions. I know some people view REs as gods, and I have no idea why. They are way more human than even I would have liked to have believed.