Sunday, November 05, 2006

And by my diseases and injuries, you shall know me

Infertility blogs obviously grow out of the physical and psychological stresses that come out of a diagnosis (whether it's specified - like PCOS - or the always-frustrating "unexplained" infertility). You get to know a great deal about the blogger's mechanics and treatments and the emotional effects of both, and, even when an IF blogger gets pregnant, this tendency is so ingrained that it is likely to continue - ESPECIALLY when said blogger is neurotic and hypochondriacal. And, really, what longtime IFer isn't?

During an episode of insomnia last night, this got me thinking about the real and imagined ailments I have experienced over the course of my lifetime. I suspect this is the equivalent of telling someone else about your dream (ie, interesting to you, not to them), but because I don't mind hearing about others' dreams or ailments, I'm going to list my ailments here, in rough chronological order.

ACTUAL DISEASES, AILMENTS, AND INJURIES I HAVE EXPERIENCED:
* broken arm (on mother's 30th birthday)
* chicken pox
* repeated ear infections, 5-15 a year, from early childhood through mid-20s
* broken toe (on parents' anniversary)
* scarlet fever (started an outbreak at school)
* pronounced myopia (literal, but perhaps also figurative)
* strep throat (repeatedly)
* dislocated patella (4-5 instances)
* mononucleosis
* ocular migraine (4 times total)
* fractured tibia
* pityriasis rosea (aka the "Christmas tree" virus; twice, very rare)
* amoebic dysentery (from shrimp from a street stall in Bangkok - dumb, dumb, dumb)
* sprained rhomboid muscle
* sesamoiditis (inflammation of little bones in foot; result of high arches and high heels)
* stress fracture in foot
* food poisoning (two very bad instances - one in Peru, one on honeymoon at five-star resort in Hawaii)
* endometriosis
* polymorphic light eruptions
* hyperemesis gravidarum

AILMENTS I HAVE CONVINCED MYSELF THAT I HAVE, ONLY TO FIND THAT THE ONLY AILMENT I SUFFER FROM IS AN OVERLY ACTIVE SENSE OF MELODRAMA THAT MIGHT COME IN HANDY IF I WERE TO WRITE LIFETIME MOVIES
(in no particular order)
* lymphoma (both Hodgkins and non-)
* HIV/AIDS
* poisoning via inadvertent contact with yard plant my mother told me was poisonous (I was 4 at the time and lay solemnly down upon the sofa to die; nothing happened.)
* melanoma (repeatedly)
* Lyme disease
* brain tumor (okay, I still often think this)
* pneumonia
* Alzheimer's, early-onset (there is some evidence to support this, I suppose)
* torn rotator cuff (turns out I had the wrong region in mind)

Now, you, dear readers - what have you had, and what have you persuaded yourself that you've had?

7 comments:

Jane said...

Oh boy! Fun!

I have actually had....

*Scarletina (related to Scarlet fever; did not start outbreak)
*Chicken Pox
*Repeated ear infections (ages 11-13)
*Migraine headaches (ages 12-14)
*Many, many urinary tract infections (age 22 to present)
*Ogliomennorhea / Polycystic ovaries
*Clinical Depression
*Food poisoning (Once from seafood pasta at Tavern on the Green, once from steak tartare at a bistro elswhere in Manhattan. Never on my many trips to 3rd world countries where such things are supposed to happen)
*Unidentified skin rash, contracted in Cameroon
*Irritable bowel syndrome
*Unexplained periods of extreme fatigue, vertigo, muscle aches, and parasthesias (weird tingling sensations) in limbs

Things I've convinced myself that I have, mostly for lack of a definitive diagnosis from medical professionals, except for the last one:

*Multiple Sclerosis (see last item in list above; there actually is some evidence to support this theory. Fortunately none lately.)

*Arachnoiditis (extreme back pain after a botched spinal tap testing for the above)

*Lupus (see: MS)

*Fibromyalgia (ditto)

*Lyme disease (ditto)

*Hypothyroidism (ditto)

*Mono (ditto)

*Brain tumor (I think everybody thinks this at one time or another, don't they?)

*Cyanide poisoning from a Clark bar obtained on Halloween circa 1983 when there was a poisoning scare. I'd never had a Clark bar before, and didn't know it was supposed to have a powdery texture. I ran inside from the back yard in a panic, certain that death was imminent.

Emmie said...

It'll take me too long to list everything I've thought I might have, but right now I'm thinking the tightness I'm feeling in my chest when I breathe in deep is lung cancer, spread of course from the breast cancer that is going to be detected at my appointment tomorrow. ;) Unfortunately, I'm not really joking and have fretted all weeked. At least we can laugh at ourselves!

Heather said...

WOW! I'm not going to list all mine because I'm at work and don't have that kind of time...but I wanted to check in with ya.

I am so going to have to do this though! I just KNOW I have everything and thanks to Dr. Google, I found all new types of illnesses that haven't even been covered on Lifetime yet!

My Reality said...

Ok, I am not sure if the comment section will let me detail everything, it may cut me off at some point!

Things I have had:

-bile duct obstruction
-gallstones and gallbladder surgery
-too many ovarian cysts to count
-3 surgeries for ovarian cysts
-1 surgery for endo/scar tissue
-tubal infection
-corneal transplant
-2 broken arms and 1 broken foot
-reflex sympathetic dystrophy from said broken foot
-appendectomy
-tonsillectomy
-strep throat a million times
-scarlet fever
-roseolla
-chicken pox
-mono
-I gave myself a concussion at my 8th birthday party - I was taken to the hospital and left all my friends behind
-stitches 6 or 7 times

I could keep going, but it getting depressing!

I haven't really convinced myself I have had anything, but when something is wrong, I know what it is before the doctor diagnoses me. Something in my body just tells me.

Michelle said...

Hi! I just found your blog and I love this post. I should never go on WebMD, because I always self-diagnose terrible things (Lupus and MS are favorites). Have you read "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. and Death" by Gene Weingarten (syndicated humor columnist for the Washington Post)? Very funny.

Larki said...

Ha. I don't have much to offer, aside from malaria and restless legs syndrome, one concussion and fractured clavicle, and I think post-partum depression. Otherwise, just run-of-the-mill stuff.

I think, like most medical professionals, I tend to avoid the issue of my own health most of the time. If you do it for a living, you tend to prefer to nuture a comforting sense of your own invincibility. Because otherwise it's just too scary.

I think it's interesting that very few ER staff I know, me included, ever call in sick, or get sick from exposure to patients, even though we're around strep, flu, meningitis, and a million viruses all the time. What is that about?

Nina permata sari said...

....................NICE.^_^v...............