I should change the name of this blog to Chronicles of a Hypochondriac.

Since we last spoke, I have spiraled deeper and deeper into the inferno of hypochondria.  I mean, really, people -- what's going to happen to me when I'm old and actually infirm?  Maybe I'll be inured to it all by then.  Sheesh.

So last weekend, I began having these sharp, stabbing pains in my sternum.  It kind of felt as if I'd swallowed a nail, sideways.  But it just came in little two-second bursts, and I thought it would go away.  But it kept occurring, and on Tuesday morning, I had a bunch of these episodes.  Now, as you know, I'm a big advocate of Dr. Google, believing that most sensible people can take what it gives you with a grain of salt.  But this, friends, was one occasion in which I should not have consulted the doctor, since one thing that came up was aortic dissection, which does have a higher frequency during pregnancy.  Just Google it to see what comes up.  

So I went to the ER to get it checked out.  After all, if I were going to need a 20-hour surgery, those 20 hours might as well start sooner rather than later.  They sent me up to Labor & Delivery because I'm over 20 weeks, and the OB on call said her leading suspicions were damage to the esophagus from heartburn and puking or gallstones.  Liver function tests came back normal, though, suggesting gallstones were not the issue.

I then had an appointment with my regular OB, who was at a bit of a loss but suggested Ga.viscon to soothe the esophagus.  This did seem to help a little, but as soon as I began taking it, I also started getting very strong menstrual cramps and diarrhea.  The first day, they went away.  Yesterday, they lasted the whole day, and I was sure I was going into preterm labor.  As an experiment, I stopped the Ga.viscon, and, lo and behold, no cramps this morning.

But then So.ren and I were in the coffee shop, and I put him down for a second to put a lid on my tea, and then I picked him up -- ohhhh, and I knew even at the moment that I should be bending my knees -- and I have completely thrown out/wrenched my lower back.  I have done this once before in my life, when I was maybe 25.  I am bordering on incapacitated.  Can you even take anything while you're pregnant?  I think one of my friends took Vicod.in or something.  I'll call the OB, who no doubt views me as cross to be borne.

I guess I'll settle in to some hurricane coverage (my parents live in the path of the storm and have some moronic plan to stay there, see if they lose power (almost certain), and THEN drive to their inland weekend house after the storm.  You know, when there'll be downed trees, buildings, power lines, etc.) and hope for the best.

[In other catastrophe-related news, I hit a parked car, doing MAJOR damage (ie, two new doors required) to my car.  I took my car in to be repaired and got a rental car, which promptly got a flat tire as the result of some metal sticking out of the curb near our house.  I think I should just stay inside.]