Wednesday, April 23, 2014

And then years went by

I'd say I'm not totally sure what inspired me to log back in, but that's not completely true.  And logging back in wasn't easy, by the way - the email address I'd had for this blog was deactivated because of inactivity, and for a second there it seemed as if I wouldn't be able to get back in at all, and this blog would just be out there, orphaned, not even something I could pull the plug on.  Luckily, I had a backup email in the system, so Google let me back in.

What brought me here is that I was Googling something unrelated to infertility, but it landed me on an infertility blog. And not only was it an infertility blog, but it was also an infertility blog that took me back to those days, which I have both blocked out and carry with me all the time. The author of the blog also has endometriosis, and she's been through a great deal, and she's pregnant now after IVF. Mostly, though, I liked her voice and her sensibility and her musings on the usual infertility topics, and I felt an urge to come check in on my little refuge here, which now attracts only Chinese spammers.

I also felt inspired to email her, which I did, because I remembered how nice it was, having this place on the internet where you could talk to people who were in the same shitty place, where you could share the insensitive things fertile people said to you or how it was impossible to escape pregnant women or how you felt like a failure at something really fundamental.  I remembered our cohort of infertiles and wondered what you guys were up to these days.  I lost the drive to blog after I got immersed (swamped) in parenting, working, etc.  The usual.  But, today, I felt like returning.  I don't know if it's anything permanent or not, but at least it's nice to dust off the blog.

My kids are big now - almost seven and over five - and they're hilarious, maddening, crazy, active, loud, sweet, and very, very cute. I am still amazed they exist at all.  The whole infertility experience fundamentally changed me, and I think it was for the better, not least because it made me realize the very important lesson that you really don't know what you'll do in a particular situation until you've been in it.  It made me much less of a know-it-all.

Lots has happened since I last posted, and it's been very good overall.  As I said above, I'm not sure if I'll be back often, or how much I'll share, but something in me felt the urge to check in.  If anyone's still looking, I hope you're all doing well.

2 comments:

BigP's Heather said...

Good to hear from you. I don't update my blog much but things are good here.

Elle said...

I can definitely relate to being away from the online IF world, but still connecting with it emotionally. Your blog was one of the ones I read regularly back near the beginning of my journey. It was great to see you pop up on my Feedly. I'm glad all is well in your world.